The Special Voice

Right, so I am walking down the streets of Chicago with my friends. I don't live there anymore, and in my cheese high I am not so sure what I am doing there. I'm talking about running a 5K (which is, by the way, 3.1 miles, which, by the way, I don't need to compete to run since, by the way, I can run that distance in a good time after I have been out drinking and smoking all night) and one of these assholes blurts out the following: "So competitive..." He didn't just say it. He said it in his extra-condescending gay man voice. I call this "The Special Voice."
I hate TSV. TSV is not exclusive to gay men, but they like to use it before kissing my forehead. People are always using TSV with me. They are talking me down, like they are scared I am going to grab their girlfriend, rip her pants off, and start eating her out in public. TSV is not, I repeat NOT, going to stop me from grabbing your girlfriend, ripping her pants off, and eating her out in public. What it's going to do is make me keep talking in a higher and higher pitched voice about my own oppression. TSV has been used to oppress crazy angry bitchy dykes like me for centuries.
Fuck this, TSV will not be tolerated!

I know, I know "so angry..."